Why Would Anyone Get Married at 21?

This post is to answer that very question, or at least to answer why I am getting married at 21. When I first started dating my fiancé, I NEVER imagined we would be planning our wedding two years later. Actually, I didn't even want to say yes when he asked me on our first date! (But that story is for another post :) However, in just a few short weeks, I found myself realizing how different he was and how different this relationship was from any other I had experienced before. Here are just a few of the reasons why I am marrying the most wonderful man in just 5 months :)

1. He asked me on a real date. This may seem like a head scratching reason, but up until this invitation to go see Transformers (yes, really) no one had previously asked me on a real 'let me pick you up and take you out somewhere, just because I want to spend time with you' date. It made me feel appreciated and a little flattered.

2. He opened my car door (and all the other doors) for me. Again, another small reason, and I am obviously capable of opening them myself, but this small act of chivalry was a sign of somebody who already had respect and care for me before the date even started. Once again, something I hadn't really experienced before.

3. He never judged me. After just a week of dating, we had the 'talk' about where we had been relationship-wise, and where we were going. I am a girl who has a very unfortunate past, with a lot of baggage-and I let him see all of it. He made is so easy to be honest, and the best part was his reaction. I was absolutely terrified that he would see me differently after I bared my soul, but he responded with nothing but kindness and unbelievable understanding.

4. He's really really ridiculously good looking. Haha, that one was a joke. But seriously, he's a stud.

5. He always puts me first. This point could encompass a myriad of things, from watching MY movies to rearranging his finances so I could have a dream wedding to The most amazing part of his generosity is he does it all because he wants to; not because I ask or because he feels pressure from me. Whether or not I see it, every decision he makes has my best interest at the heart of it.

6. He leads me closer to Christ. Even more than he loves me, he loves Christ. I've been a Christian since I was in middle school, but being with him has lead me to experience God in new ways and to step way out of my cushy Christian comfort zone. He prays for me and he encourages me; he deepens the knowledge I already have and helps me to discover more every day.

7. We are so similar. And yet, so different. He is the perfect blend of my twin and my exact opposite, all at the same time. We laugh at the same things and love the same books and share so many interests. And then I love things like writing and shopping and coffee, while he loves things like backpacking, video games and the Army. We are able to be so close and share a lot of the same experiences, yet we're also able to have our own lives. We each have unique perspectives and viewpoints, which always keeps things interesting.

7. Last but not least, I am madly, irrevocably, and indescribably in love with him. More than the fact that he is my best friend, he makes me giddy and happy in the sappy girly kind of way. (I know, I'm ashamed of me too) He brings out the happiest, smiliest, and laughliest me there is.

These are just a few of the many, many reasons I will soon be creating a new life with Mark. What are some things you would look for in the person you will marry? Or what made you realize your husband or wife was the one to spend your life with?

 

7 Ways to Keep Wedding Planning From Driving You (and Your Groom) Crazy

Being engaged and planning your wedding is such a wonderful...ly overwhelming time in your life. It is euphoric and joyful but it can also cause a lot of stress on your relationship. Here are some ways my fiance and I have found help keep the stress from getting to us.

      1. Take a break. Just stop planning. For five minutes, let the wedding wheels that are constantly turning in your head stop. I had such a hard time with this one. Right after we got engaged, all I wanted to do was Google and Pinterest and dream about our wedding. So much that sometimes I’d spent our date time on my phone looking at wedding ideas. I thought “I’m planning our wedding, which counts right?” It doesn’t. No amount of love poured into your big day can replace you pouring into your relationship.

      2. Prioritize. Don’t try and do everything at once. You will overwhelm yourself and your fiancé (and your budget). Figure out together as a couple what aspects of your wedding are most important and put those together. My fiancé and I cared very much about the venue, the ceremony and getting the music taken care of. We booked the place, the DJ and the officiant first thing. Next, the photographer. The rest we’ll deal with as it comes.

      3. Plan for the rest of your life. Your wedding is a big day. It’s an amazing day, and it’s a fleeting day. But remember it is JUST ONE DAY. After the wedding, you have hundreds and thousands of days you need to be ready for. This all depends on your current living situation and routine. If you both have homes, you’ll have to figure out where you’ll live and how to deal with your mortgages. If you are like me, and you’re both living with your parents until the wedding, you’ll need to apartment hunt and decide on how to set up your new mutual living space.

      4. Leave him out of it. Your fiancé loves you. He is a caring man who will happily listen to everything you have to say. But that doesn’t mean he always wants to. Give him a break from the wedding talk every now and then. Instead, talk about him. He’s more than just your groom, and while you probably are wearing wedding white tinted glasses, he probably isn’t. Ask him about his work, family, and friends; pick up football games, etc. Just talk about something else and leave the “I can’t decide which shade of dark purple I like best for the tablecloths” discussion to your bridesmaids.

      5. Accommodate his ‘absolutes’ You’ve probably been dreaming about your wedding since you were a kid and even if you haven’t, I can guess the wedding details are far more important to you than they are to him. But you may be surprised that there are certain details about your wedding that your fiancé’ actually cares a lot about. For instance, my fiancé’ has been very ‘I want whatever kind of wedding that makes you my wife’ but there have been one or two things he was ‘absolute’ about. He wanted his very close family friend and pastor to officiate and he wanted his nephew to be the ring bearer. Of all the details about our wedding, he only really wanted those two things. The rest, he was indifferent about. So, I made it work. And the bright side? That was two less things I had to take care of. 

       6. Build a fort. Seriously. Take a bunch of blankets and make an adventure out of your living room. Hide away in it on a rainy day like you did when you were kids. Be silly and laugh and cuddle and talk about your dreams. 

       7. Get active. Go indoor rock climbing. Go bowling. Go on a hike, or a run or a walk. Or just chase each other around the house. But get moving. Play together; it will lead to laughter and endorphins and bonus, getting a little closer to the shape you want to be in for the big day. 

What other tips do you have on keeping your relationship strong during your engagement?

What Does it Mean to Have a Gentle and Quiet Spirit?

Since I got engaged this past December (whoot!)I have been reading tons and tons of articles and books about wedding planning and marriage. But most importantly, I have been reading scripture about love and what marriage is supposed to look like. Some of the verses I have read were encouraging and some, frankly, were confusing and scary.

1 Peter 3:4 says that “Instead, it [talking about your beauty] should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.”

If anyone in my life were to describe me in a few words, ‘gentle’ and ‘quiet’ would not be among them. Things like ‘loud’  ‘independent’ ‘strong willed’ or ‘outgoing’ would be the words used to describe me. So a verse that calls me to be gentle and quiet is scary.

Does this mean I have to completely change who I am in order to be a good, Godly wife?

Absolutely not. God made me the person I am. He made me loud and outgoing and talkative; he knows this is me. And that person is the one he made for my future husband. After a serious conversation with my fiancé addressing my fear of being the wrong kind of person for marriage, I realized from his encouraging words exactly what it means to have a gentle and quiet spirit. 

And guess what? It has nothing to do with my personality and everything to do with my attitude.

As my fiancé put it, it does not mean I have to stop being ‘me.’ In fact, he told me I already have a gentle and quiet spirit and pointed out all sorts of situations in which I exhibited that.

A while back, he came to me wanting to start a home bible study for the group of college kids we hung out with. There was a small college class at our church, but he felt we needed more. He called me one night and zealously told me all about his plan to have an amazing, powerful college group meeting every Sunday night. I responded by telling him how great of an idea it was, but gently pointed out a few of the complications and hindrances we would run into if we did that, especially since he just joined the National Guard and will be leaving for Basic Training in a few months. I told him to consider them but ultimately I would enthusiastically support whatever decision he made, including giving up every Sunday night to be there with him.

He told me later that I couldn’t have handled that better, and he was thankful for my insight because I pointed out things he wouldn’t have thought of.

I handled that situation with a ‘gentle and quiet’ spirit, and I hadn’t even realized it. 

Having and exhibiting the gentle and quiet spirit God has called us to have does not mean that you have to whisper and drink your tea with your pinky in the air and walk as though your feet don’t actually touch the ground. Actually, it means quite the opposite. Becoming the woman described in this infamous scripture is not impossible; it is not a stifling, suppressing call. 

Having a gentle and quiet spirit is nothing more than simply becoming more like Christ. 

Sometimes as Christians we focus so much on what one specific verse is telling us to be and we try and try to change ourselves. But the bottom line is we are the flawed human beings that God created, and without Him we will fall short of all He has called us to be. If our main goal is to become, act and have a Christ-like spirit, everything else will fall into place. 

It’s not about how often you speak, but the words you choose to say.

It’s not about how loud you speak, but the tone of your voice.

It’s not about how lightly you touch, but the tenderness and care that is in it. 

It’s not about being invisible, it’s about your actions being kind and warm and full of love. 

It is not about the politics of Scripture, but it is about striving every day to quiet your Spirit to hear God’s voice and become more and more like Him.

What I Learned at the Top of a Monuntain

This past weekend, I went to Gatlinburg, TN with my fiance's family. We stayed in an amazing cabin, that had hot tub and a pool. And we went to some amazing restaurants. But I should mention, my fiance's family is very VERY into hiking. His dad and two brothers have been section hiking the Appalachian Trail for years; they go out with nothing but backpacks for a week or more. And they do this because they think it's fun.
While we were in Tennessee, they wanted to hike in the Smokies, at least a little. It wasn't exactly my ideal day but they were really excited to take me. So we set out to hike to the top of Mt. LeConte, which is one of the highest peaks of the Smoky Mountains. As someone who has never hiked a mountain before, that was a little scary to hear. But I prepared to go with them and tried to get excited. Luckily, we ended up only being able to do a much smaller hike because of the weather.

But even still, that hike was far from easy.

We got hit by a snowstorm, it was uphill the whole way and the temperature was barely 20 degrees near the top. The only bright side was that the scenery was absolutely gorgeous. And being in the woods, on a mountain, in nature, is a wonderful place for God to stir something in your spirit.
As I reflected back on this trip later, I was glad I went. It was hard, but it was challenging and beautiful.

This is precisely the feeling and attitude we should have towards the mountains God asks us to climb.

I went because people who loved me wanted me to go and share this experience with them. I was nervous and scared but I chose to have an attitude of excitement instead of letting a little anxiety ruin my trip.  God calls us up mountains because He love us and wants to share that experience with him. We should choose to have an attitude of joy, excitement and obedience instead of anxiety or dread. 

I went because I wasn't alone. I had a whole group of people supporting me and helping me all the way to the top. I had someone motivating me when it got a little hard, and they kept me going. Trust me, if I had been by myself I would have turned around the moment it felt like I couldn't take anymore. God gives us people to walk up our mountains with. He will surround us with people who will support us all the way to the top, and who won't let us turn around when things get hard. 

And I went because I trusted the ones who were taking me up. They had been on this exact trail before. They knew the way and they had gone before me. They knew what they were doing and where they were going and I knew they would keep me safe. God has gone before us and seen the end of our journeys; He has been at the top of the mountain. And most importantly, He will keep us safe, because He knows the way.

What mountain has God asked you to climb recently? What did you learn from your journey?

My First Rambling

This is my very first post, on my very first blog. And I'm sure I'm far more excited about it than any of you stumbling across it, but one day, I hope, that might change :)

The first twenty years of my life were pretty basic, aka boring. But as soon as I started college that all began to change. 

In the short time I've been an adult, I've already accomplished more than in all my previous years. I've learned to navigate the world on my own (relatively), I've learned to go out into the college world and find ways to keep it from shaking my faith and I've found love; true, healthy, knight in shining armor, fairy tale kind of love.

All in the next year I will get married, attempt to get into an amazing Grad school, graduate college and get ready to become not only a Pastor's wife, but an Army wife as well.

I love my fiance to death, but his presence in my life has lead to more excitement and emotion than I ever imagined. It's going to be a fun, crazy, scary adventure and I hope to take you all along on the ride!

-Ashley {Soon-to-be Harris}